If Morganville Vampires was a TV show
by CRONA-Y-U-SO-ADORABLE
Summary: Weekly episodes! Interviews done so far: Oliver and Myrnin! WARNING: VERY VERY RANDOM


**OK, so this is my SECOND fanfiction. the weed-dealing unicorn belongs to Saphy16! please r&r! Tell me what character I should interview next!**

**Sorry for any mistakes: this was written on a boring saturday afternoon when i had nothing to do. and my brother actually does eat noodles with ketchup.**

Me: Hey Ollipop!

Oliver: Please do not call me that humiliating name.

Me: Awwww, where's all your humour gone, hippy boy?

Oliver: …

Me: So, time for some questions…

Oliver: Wait, where's the vodka you promised?

Me: Shut up. So, where was I? Ah, yes. Questions. So, Oliver, is it true that you luuurrrrve Amelie?

Oliver: What? No! I mean, I do like her but… oh for goodness' sake are you TRYING to make me look stupid?

Me: Yes.

Oliver: You have no idea how much power I have! I could have you in one of the cages and burned alive in 30 seconds!

Me: Look at all the fucks I give (straight faced and showing no sign of worry).

Oliver: Very funny, Lottie. Now please, ask some better questions. You are boring me.

Me: Ok, may I ask why is it that you hate Myrnin so much?

Oliver: Oh, don't even get me started on that imbecile!

Me: Well, let's see just what makes you hate each other! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, on our show we have the one, the only, MYRNIN! WHOOO!

Myrnin: Heyoooo! Wait, do I even know you?

Oliver: (facepalm)

Me: So Myrnin, what have you done to Oliver to make him hate you so much, hmmm?

Myrnin: …

Oliver: I'll tell you what, he keeps going on about that dreadful weed-dealing unicorn that keeps bursting in on him in the loo! I mean, what the hell is on with this guy?

Myrnin: HE'S REAL! REAL I TELL YOU!

Me: Myr, sweetie, calm down!

Oliver: See? That proves how phsyco he is!

Me: Oliver, no vodka if you keep insulting Myrnin. Naughty boy.

Oliver: Now I'll tell you what IS real!

Me: What, Oliver?

Oliver: THE TROLLIGATOR!

Myrnin: THAT'S IT, FIRST YOU ACCUSE ME OF INVENTING MADE-UP CREATURES, AND THEN YOU DO THE SAME? WHY YOU LITTLE!...

Me: BOYS! FOR SECRET PETER'S SAKE, CALM DOWN! I SERIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A SINGLE DAMN ABOUT HOW YOU STOLE EACHOTHER'S HAIR CURLERS OR KNOCKED OVER EACHOTHER'S GARDEN GNOMES!

Oliver+Myrnin: what?

Me: sorry, I don't know what happened then. I drank some cherry Lucozade earlier and it made me a bit hyper.

Oliver: Haha, Lottie! You're a CRAZY BIATCH!

Me: OLIVER YOU ARE SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF NOW.

Myrnin: Yes Oliver, I may have to call the weed-dealing unicorn to stake you with his sparkly horn!

Oliver: You wouldn't?

Myrnin: Oh, believe me, I would. I have a feeling the world would be a better place without the likes of you!

Oliver: You little scumbag!

(Oliver and Myrnin's fangs snap down. They start circling each other)

Me: LADIES, LADIES! PUT YOUR HANDBAGS DOWN! Myrnin, sit in the left corner or else I'll burn all of your copies of the twilight saga.

Myrnin: No! Not my twilight books!

Me: how the hell can you read them anyway? They are and insult to the vampire race!

Myrnin: but Edward is so ho… I mean, they're good books!

-AN: when Myrnin was talking about Edward, the word he cut off was meant to be 'hot'!-

Me: Whatever, garyboy. Oliver, go sulk in some other corner, or else.

Oliver: Or else what?

Me: Or else I'll… I'll tell Amelie that you watch her undressing!

Oliver: You wouldn't?

Me: Oh, I would! MUHAHAHA!

Oliver: Okay…

Me: Now seriously guys, go away because I have some serious noodle-eating to do.

Myrnin: Can we share?

Me: NO. MY NOODLES.

Oliver: Haha, Myrnin, you just got OWNED!

Me: Shut it, Ollipops.

(I leave the room to eat my noodles in peace)

Oliver: She really isn't funny. Her sense of humour is as dry as a nun's badger.

Myrnin: …

Myrnin: Are nuns aloud to keeps pets?

Oliver: …

Myrnin: I don't know, I thought she was kinda funny!

Oliver: Don't disagree with me, sheep shagger.

Myrnin: OI! Don't diss Welsh people!

(I re-enter)

Me: Oliver, do not EVER diss the Welsh race!

Oliver: Why? What's old trapdoor spider here gonna do? It's not like I'm outnumbered by Welsh idiots!

Me: Oliver, I'm afraid it is two against one. For I too am welsh! MUHAHAHA!

Myrnin: MUHAHAHA!

Oliver: I thought you had noodles to eat anyway?

Me: My brother ate them. With ketchup instead of seasoning.

Myrnin: Ew.

Oliver: Katia, I cannot stand to be around people of such weird temperament e.g. you and Myrnin. Goodbye.

(Oliver leaves)

Myrnin: well I'm glad he's gone. What an asshole.

Me: I know.

Myrnin: So does your brother ever share his noodles?

Me: Don't even think about it, Myrnin.


End file.
